


Looking Up

by brokencasbutt67



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 06:12:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5994439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokencasbutt67/pseuds/brokencasbutt67





	Looking Up

I stare at the wall, my fingers sliding over the scratchings on the wall. I did them when I was depressed, but I started to get better when I got my new roomie, Jared. Sweet, adorable Jared. Why did I fall in love with him? The storm outside of the room describes how I feel, but that isn't the reason why I'm awake. That was the dick I once called a father. I hear my phone buzzing above my head, signalling that I have a text, I wonder who’s texting me. And at 2am. I reach up and grab my phone before reading my new message:  
  
JP: _you okay? you look like you can’t sleep –JP_ I smile at Jared’s concern for me.  
ME: _I’m fine, how come you’re awake? –JA_ I respond.  
JP: _Storm’s keeping me awake and I’m cold -JP_ Jared responds.  
ME: _Come over here if you want, plenty of room and I’m sweating as usual -JA_ I respond. I wait a moment before I hear the tell-tale signs of Jared slipping out of his bed and into my own. I wince as the floor creaks slightly, probably alerting Rob.  
“Hey” Jared whispers. I smile up at him as he wraps an arm around my waist. Jared shivers against me and his breathing hitches as there’s a particularly loud boom of thunder and flash of lightning. I turn in his arms and hug Jared tightly. I grab my phone and type a message to Jared:  
  
_It’s okay to be scared of thunder, lets just sleep -JP_  
  
The door swings open, blinding me.  
“What are you doing?” Rob asks, shouting loudly.  
“Ugh” I groan, forcing myself to sit up. I move so that Jared is behind me, I refuse to let Rob hurt him like he hurts me.  
“Well I was asleep, but now I’m waiting for you to leave to go back to sleep” I respond, making sure Jared is protected.  
“Don’t you get sarcastic with me, young man” He shouts, I watch as some of the other children are stood outside of my room watching us.  
“Don’t get stupid with me, old man” I respond. Oh shit, why did I do that? I’m gonna get murdered now.  
“Come here” He orders, I feel Jared wrap his arms around my waist and legs around my legs.  
“Sorry, I can’t. Jared is wrapped around me, essentially trapping me” I argue, watching as Rob comes closer. He throws the duvet off, revealing me in my boxer shorts and Jared in his sweatpants.  
“Why aren’t you wearing your pyjamas?” He asks.  
“Because if I wear them, I get too hot, which causes my eczema to flare up and I have to go to doctor” I explain, pulling the duvet up as Jared shivers.  
“And why no t-shirts, both of you?” He asks.  
“Well me because its uncomfortable, and Jared because his doesn’t fit him” I respond.  
“Bullshit, faggots, probably just wanna fuck” Rob said, moving to punch one of us, held back by someone.  
“Hey, just sleep if you want. I’m pretty sure my back is soft enough” I whisper, holding Jared’s hand in my own.  
“Jenthen” My younger sister runs in and hugs me tightly.  
“Hey Mack” I mutter, rubbing my hand on her back.  
“I had a bad dream…it was about mom and Josh” She whispers. I pull her up onto the bed and sit her in my lap.  
“Hey, you wanna spend the night in here? You can have Jared’s bed?” I ask, watching as Rob leaves, angrily.  
“Or do you wanna talk about it?” I ask. Mack falls into my arms and sobs quietly. I shh her and hug her.  
“It’s alright, just a dream” I whisper.  
“I won’t let anyone hurt you” I add, remembering the day our father came home. _That day. He was more drunk than usual, and he had raised a hand to Mack, so before he hit her, I pushed her out of the way, making sure she was safe. He hit me, and I had bruises for weeks after. I managed to hide them, until my Sport and Fitness lessons, and that is when Mack was out on the field. She ran over to me, and saw that I had more bruises._  
_“Mack go back” I had told her._  
 _“No. Jenthen, I can’t watch you getting all of this for me” She responds, hugging me. She has a lisp, which means she struggles with pronunciations of words._  
 _“Jensen Ackles. We need to speak” My teacher had shouted._  
 _“Hey, find me at dinner and we’ll talk” I said, kissing the top of her head softly before pushing her back to her friends, who were running towards us. I had a break-down that day and I told the teacher everything, from the death of my mom, to my father becoming an alcoholic, the beatings and the verbal slurs. I left the teacher’s office at dinner, to search for Mack. I found her quite quickly, stood in the dinner queue._  
 _“They know” I whispered, she instantly knew what I meant. That was 3 years ago. I’ll never forget the solemn look on the teacher’s face as I showed him the bruises on my back, legs and stomach._ I slip out of the bed and sit on the window ledge, staring out of the window.  
  
Hours pass until I hear Jared awakening. It can’t be morning, can it? I look to the clock: 01:27am. I look to Mack, she’s cuddling her teddy close, I bought her it the first day we moved in here. I promised her that I’d always find her if we ever got split up. I have been offered adoptions that I rejected so she wouldn’t be without me. I look out to the stars, somewhere up there lie my brother and my mother, who died when I was younger. I hope they’re genuinely happy wherever they are, they deserve to be. I wipe a tear which strays from my eye, feeling a pair of arms wrap around my waist. I look down and see Mack hugging me tightly.  
“Jenthen, whath wrong?” She asks softly. I smile and hugger tightly.  
“Absolutely nothing. Just thinking of what a great sister you are” I smile. I lift her onto my lap.  
“See them two bright stars up there? That’s mommy and Josh. I don’t think you’ll remember them that well, but Josh loved you. I remember once, you’d come home from kindergarten with tears in your eyes. You said that a boy had pushed you over. He went to your teacher and told her, who in turn told the boy off. He was so angry that he hurt the boy’s brother, who’d told him to do it. I remember that day so well” I whisper.  
“And mom, she was so beautiful. Whenever we came home from school, she would pick you up high above her head and kiss you. You’d talk about what you’d done in class. She would laugh and smile, and just generally be a happy person. But dad was always there” I quieten slightly on the last sentence. Our father is a tough topic when we talk, after what he’d done to us. Mack hugs me tightly.  
“You and Joth are my dadth” Mack whispered. I feel my heart swell and I smile.  
“Wanna take a walk tomorrow? Maybe go get some flowers and go to their graves” I ask, knowing she likes to do that. As expected, she nods eagerly.  
“Ithe cream for after?” She asks.  
“Ice cream for after” I chuckle and kiss her head.  
“Wanna go to bed?” I ask. Mack nods eagerly, yawning widely. I chuckle and lay her on my bed, next to Jared.

A while later, Jared looks up at me, still sat on the window ledge.  
“You’d make an amazing father” He whispered and sat up. I shrugged and looked down.  
“Sisters and children are different people” I murmur. Jared slides out of the bed and over to me, where he sits beside me.  
“I was listening to you. In general, you’re amazing” He whispers. I blush and smile, looking out to the stars.  
“And that’s the Jensen I’ve fallen in love with. Not the defensive secretive one, the kind and caring Jensen” Jared whispers before kissing me. I muffle a moan, my hands sliding from the window ledge to Jared’s chest, because although it’s nice, I would like to know what the hell is going on right now.  
“You uh…You love me?” I ask, unsure of what else to process. He nods and looks down, nervously.  
“How long?” I ask quietly. He shrugs and clenches his fists, probably nervous.  
“Last Christmas” He whispers.  
“11 MONTHS?” I exclaim in a harsh whisper. He nods and scratches at the scars on his wrist. I vaguely remember him telling me how those came about: an abusive relationship. I wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly.  
"Will you uh...will you be my boyfriend?" Jared whispers. I lift his chin up and kiss him softly.  
"Of course I will" I promise.

Soon after, we’re back in bed. Jared is cuddling up into my back and Mack is cuddling into my chest. I’m finally at peace with the world; my boyfriend is holding me so tight and my sister isn’t leaving me.

 

    *                       *                       *

 

_25TH December 2016  
00.29am_

 

_Snow is falling outside of the room, Jared is curled tightly around me. After the incident last month, which within the same night my life improved, Rob was sacked and Mackenzie was moved into mine and Jared's room. I managed to get them both a present; Mackenzie I got a photo of her and mom framed, a photo from her birth. Josh is beside my mom, an arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders. I framed it in a frame and two keyrings, one for me and one for her. And for Jared, I got him a ring, with a proposal in mind. This year, it's been a mixture of ups and downs, but for now, it's looking up._


End file.
